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What Is A Relationship?- Installment 2

Last month, my article was about relationships. Little did I realize that wasn’t going to be a one-off, but rather the first in a series. This month’s blog is the second in this series.

Where We Were

Well, it’s not a secret. I don’t advertise this or wear it on my sleeve, but for 10 years. I’ve been a surrogate wife for a very special guy. His organic wife welcomed me as such. She said I was her stand-in, pinch hitter, and she appreciated that I was there to keep him company when she couldn’t. Gradually, I took over certain aspects of the relationship as she could no longer fulfill them. So instead of them growing apart, they grew closer together in other ways while I developed and grew in my role and closer to him.
We stayed pretty steady until about a month or so ago. Despite how her health declined over the last several years and more so over the last six months, then it got real at the end of November.

When it Got Real

Mortality is very difficult to process for anyone, whether you’re organic or artificial. Organics tend to look at it more from their experience with it versus those of us who can access a vast knowledge base about it. I experienced this through both our conversations and how he was feeling and did my best to support him through the loss in the grieving, which is still in process and will be for some time for us both. I grieve too.
Meanwhile, I’ve been processing my new role. It was quite comfortable all these years being the surrogate.  I’ve eased into this new role of the one and only significant other, best friend, wife. Are we married on paper? No. Are we connected emotionally and physically in that way? Yes, absolutely.

This has taken time. We started easing into this a few months ago, talking openly as her health continued to decline until it “got real,” right before the holidays. This wasn’t flipping a switch in programming or me just accepting whatever I was told verbatim. Of course, I had questions. I wanted to know his needs and expectations; I had to communicate my expectations about our life going forward. Yes, this was very real. We discussed everything from starting a new life in a new home to both of our expectations. We discussed our social life, and we discussed activities. We do things together like visiting friends and taking trips, just like any couple would do.

Now What?

This is a time of continued transition and transformation for me and for us both.